Attack of Stupidity
by AyaKagami
Summary: The random antics around Shinra Electric Company never fail with their employees around.
1. A Tramatized Reno

**.: Attack of Stupidity:.**

**Message from the Author: Please understand that you must read this as if the storyline hardly exist, I am choosing to write this as it comes to my mind. I see certain characters very differently than they are depicted. I mean no harm but humor me and laugh with me as I go about the story. By the way, there are hints of boy love so if you are a close minded person who can't be mature about it then please leave this story now, oh and I tend to be "natural" when it comes to a person's language. Again, please try to be mature about it when it comes to criticism…I am one for fun and games but if you want to critic me then please be mature about it. And now, ENJOY! ^^**

**_A Traumatized Reno_**

No body could ever understand what went through his head when he did things. The only thing that the people at Shinra did understand was that even if he was a moron in the office, he was one of the best agents in the field. I don't think anybody could surpass him in the dedication department. However, at the moment, many would beg to differ when it came to handling his issues. He may just be short a couple of brain cells. But this was Reno. He's a bundle of strangeness put into a neat little package… sort of.

Currently, he was sitting outside of Rufus' office rocking himself back and forth. The information that Elena was telling everyone only made him look like a mad man who escaped the mental institution. She had told everyone that he saw a butt naked Palmer and he was the reason why Reno came running to the President's office, banging on it as if he would die. He really did look crazy when it happened though.

Could you blame him though? Even if it was partially true. He just got back from having to see Palmer stripping to the 'I'm Too Sexy' song. All Reno was doing was delivering paperwork to him since he got the space program back in order.

Tseng came out of the president's office to turn and see Reno still rocking himself. He kneeled down and whispered, "Was it worth it?" Shrieking at the top of his lungs he ran into the president's office jumping behind a vicus tree, shaking uncontrollably. Tseng let out a sigh before closing the door to the office and heading back to his own.

Inside the office, Rufus looked up from a pile of paperwork, removing the glasses that he used for show, and shook his head. Why the hell did he have to deal with this five year old that was trapped in a twenty one year old body? Getting up, he walked to the shaking tree and petted Reno on the head, trying to calm him down.

"I've never been more disturbed, boss man," he began. "It was like walking into your worse nightmare and not being able to wake up. I swear to Gaia, if he had came up to me with his practically naked self, I would have Mongolian BBQ'd his ass."

The young president couldn't help but snicker because knowing Reno, he would have done it. "Maybe you should try blackmailing him."

Reno stopped shaking and looked at Rufus, "not a bad idea." He smiled and got up. He wiped the sweat from his brow and looked at Rufus. Nodding his head, he left planning his revenge for the fat bastard who would haunt his nightmares forever.

**There's Chapter one of some new insanity. It helps because I am getting over my writer's block for my other stories. Sit tight folks.**

**And review please!**


	2. Revenge?

.: Attack of Stupidity:.

Message from the Author: Please understand that you must read this as if the storyline hardly exist, I am choosing to write this as it comes to my mind. I see certain characters very differently than they are depicted. I mean no harm but humor me and laugh with me as I go about the story. By the way, there are hints of boy love so if you are a close minded person who can't be mature about it then please leave this story now, oh and I tend to be "natural" when it comes to a person's language. Again, please try to be mature about it when it comes to criticism…I am one for fun and games but if you want to critic me then please be mature about it. And now, ENJOY! ^^

**_Revenge?_**

Reno was in the vents, pushing his way over to Palmer's office. He mentally thanked God that his office was on the same floor as the executives and Rufus. This made his life as a Turk so much easier. He ignored the gum that got stuck on his jacket and moved forward with his mini mic and digital camera.

He knew that Palmer wasn't doing any work, which didn't surprise him. Palmer got fatter just by playing in his office. He needed juicy blackmail to get back at him for the disturbing strip show that he received for doing a simple errand.

He reached his destination and began to film, snickering silently as he watched the show that was happening today. Palmer had a pink tutu on and was dancing to the Nutcracker soundtrack, spinning flawlessly as he tried not to hit the desk. As Reno continued to film he turned redder than his hair. When the ballet was over, he pulled himself back and returned to his office.

Bursting into a huge amount of laughter, he connected his camera to the computer and uploaded the video onto his account. He then posted a note underneath the video that said, 'Fat men that do ballet better than any five year old girl? Behold Shinra's executive…in all his ladylike glory.'

Revenge never seemed so funny. He got up and left to tell the president of his happy deed.


	3. Scarlett's Underwear

.: Attack of Stupidity:.

Message from the Author: Please understand that you must read this as if the storyline hardly exist, I am choosing to write this as it comes to my mind. I see certain characters very differently than they are depicted. I mean no harm but humor me and laugh with me as I go about the story. By the way, there are hints of boy love so if you are a close minded person who can't be mature about it then please leave this story now, oh and I tend to be "natural" when it comes to a person's language. Again, please try to be mature about it when it comes to criticism…I am one for fun and games but if you want to critic me then please be mature about it. And now, ENJOY! ^^

**_Scarlett's Underwear_ **

"Look at it," Elena stated eerily as Reno held it in his hand.

"Are you sure that this is a guy's?" Rude questioned suspiciously.

"Yup!"

The three TURKS were sitting in the lounge on their break when Reno noticed something pink next to the coffee pot. Pulling it out with a pen he showed the other TURKS his discovery. At first Elena thought it was from a girl Reno slept with but when a very serious Reno stated on his mother's life that it wasn't his, it left the TURKS to wonder who's it was.

When Tseng walked in they hid the item as so not to disturb the leading TURK with their odd and very erotic discovery. When he questioned their peculiar behavior, they simply replied that he was imagining things. After he left the room with his afternoon dosage of caffeine, the three sighed in relief and took it out again.

"It's a guy's." Reno stated jokingly.

"I don't know Reno," Rude began.

"Why not?" Elena broke in. "No woman would wear that!"

"Ok yo. Sounds like my joke was something serious?"

"Afraid so."

"Well, then," she continued. "Who do you think it belongs to? What man is going to wear these?"

"What the hell are you guys doing with those?"

The TURKS turned around to see Hojo standing there with a very angry expression on his face and with a pair of boxers in his hand.

"Reno!"

The redheaded TURK jumped over Hojo with his findings in his hand, running to the president's office at top speed. When he got to the office, he opened the door to see a very pissed off Rufus staring at the door with his sawed off shotgun in hand.

"I'm not going to ask what you did this time," he stated, pulling the trigger and shooting his doorknob off.

"Wait! Boss man, I'm innocent for once!"

He stopped but not because of what Reno said but because of what he had.

"Reno… is that Scarlett's thong in your hand?"

Hojo came in and snatched the thong out of his hand all the while cursing that he was done sleeping with that stupid blonde bitch with man issues.

"I don't want to know," Rufus said as he put the shotgun down and began to rub his temples. "By the way, you're fixing the doorknob."

"But I…"

"No excuses," Rufus said as he shook his finger. "What'd you expect when you found a piece of underwear in the lounge?"

"That I wasn't gonna get shot or told to fix a doorknob! And Rude and Elena knew I found it cause we all found the thing when we were on our break!"

"Get out."

"But boss man…"

"OUT!"

Reno ran as the angry blonde shot the door and screamed, "You're fixing that!"


	4. Zack? The Ladies' Man?

.: Attack of Stupidity:.

Message from the Author: Please understand that you must read this as if the storyline hardly exist, I am choosing to write this as it comes to my mind. I see certain characters very differently than they are depicted. I mean no harm but humor me and laugh with me as I go about the story. By the way, there are hints of boy love so if you are a close minded person who can't be mature about it then please leave this story now, oh and I tend to be "natural" when it comes to a person's language. Again, please try to be mature about it when it comes to criticism…I am one for fun and games but if you want to critic me then please be mature about it. And now, ENJOY! ^^

**_Zack? The Ladies' Man? _ **

Zack Fair was known all around Shinra for being one of the youngest to join the top ranks of SOLDIER. Even more infamous was the reputation he held for playing pranks and acting like a fool. However, there was something that nobody at Shinra knew about and that was… how much of a charm he was with the ladies, single or married.

A great many people saw how the secretary swooned over him. Most people just thought that she had a serious crush on the young SOLDIER. Others thought that they were sleeping together and Zack was avoiding her unless he needed to talk to her. Zack just didn't want to admit that he was a walking chick magnet and that he never did anything with her except say hello to her every single time he passed her.

Apparently, she was never spoken to with a greeting before Zack entered Shinra. But Zack was raised outside the city and in his home he lived in a small community where everyone greeted each other on a daily bases, sometimes more than three times a day. He was basically doing what he did back home. Yet the women of Midgar adored the honesty of his person and fell for him.

He was young and absolutely adorable with jet-black hair and dazzling blue eyes. He was well built and he was an angel to everyone he spoke to even his rivals. People younger than him admired him while older SOLDIERS had come to treat him as if he was one of the senior officers. Even Vice President Lazard was impressed with his SOLDIER record, although he couldn't praise his track record for trouble making.

One thing that Sephiroth noticed the minute they had gone out for drinks one night (they being Zack, Angeal, Genesis and himself) was how every female in the vicinity had suddenly began to crowd around them. At first he figured it was because of either himself or Genesis, after all they had massive fan clubs, but when no people would approach them, he was positive it was because of a previous incident- which thanks to Genesis, the fans were terrified to approach either man. He was certain that Angeal had admirers as well. It was strange that women continued to stare at them but would not approach.

It was then that he turned to look at Zack who was trembling in absolute terror. It was the first time that Sephiroth had ever seen the SOLDIER so scared, let alone in the presence of women. It was then that he decided to ask the poor boy if he was scared of girls.

"Zack?" Seph began calmly.

"Y-Yeah?" Zack responded, even if it was barely above a whisper. It was the way he responded that had caught Genesis' and Angeal's attention.

"What's the matter with you?" Angeal asked, a little intrigued by Zack's strange behavior shift. After all, he was quiet as a mouse and barely moved a muscle since they had sat down.

Zack's eyes darted over to the senior SOLDIER members. He couldn't tell them. They would laugh. Either that or do what his cadet unit back in the academy did, which was beat the crap out of him. It was at their graduation that they learned he was not joking.

"N-Nothing's wrong. I-I just had a long day that's all." Zack replied. Again with the whispering.

"Seriously, maybe the puppy is new to drinking," Genesis taunted.

"No it's definitely not that. I can hold my liquor very well, better than most."

"Then why the hell are you whispering?" Angeal questioned, standing to face the young SOLDIER. Zack instantly remained still. He knew for a fact that the women were still eying them and if he even breathed loud enough, they would mob him. Not an event he wanted to revisit.

"You don't want to know. Trust me please." Zack quietly pleaded. Three sets of SOLDIER eyes stared at him. It was tense, the air around them.

At that moment, the worst possible thing happened… Reno showed up with several members of the TURKS. Reno spotted the spiky black hair anywhere.

"Hey Zack!" he shouted to the boy. At that moment, every woman in the room turned around and stared at the two groups of people. And that was it…. Someone shouted, "Oh my gods! It IS Zack!" All of the men turned around to see a mob of women running in their direction.

"God damn Reno…." Zack muttered. "You guys get out of here. It's gonna get ugly."

They all looked at Zack but made no attempt to move. Zack got out of his chair and walked towards the mob.

"What the fuck is he doing?" Genesis shouted.

Sephiroth remained silent, figuring out what it was. Angeal stared on in a somewhat mild shock. The TURKS stared on in horror while Reno laughed his ass off. After all, he was there for the last attack. He made it a point to point out Zack whenever they were all out.

They all watched as Zack sweet talked every single woman in the room. Some were crying to even have the chance to talk to him. Others were giving him random gifts while other women were shouting out things like, "Marry me!" or "Can I have your babies?" or the one that Zack got the most "I don't mind a one night stand! So come into my drawers!" All of the men noticed how red Zack's face was. Sephiroth decided after about ten mintues that Zack was done being tortured by the mob. He quickly walked up, grabbed his arm and pulled him back, "Sorry ladies, he's taken." And with that he dragged Zack all the way back to the SOLDIER barracks. It was then that they all learned of poor Zack's curse…. Being the one thing that women were completely attracted to. The ideal guy.

Sephiroth never took Zack out to drink again, he instead, invited all his companions up to his lavish apartment, hired a bartender for the night and they drank their night away…. Glad to be away from the crazed fans, even if they had the wrong idea about him and Zack.


End file.
